a heart can't forget

college

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 07:57:23 GMT

(+,-)So I had my orientation at UIC a couple days ago. All in all pretty good, the group I was with had awesome people. We all got along. Some of us are even facebooked and myspaced haha. The only bad things were probably 'club inferno' haha, but all jokes aside: the AWFUL rain on the first day which I think I'm sick from now and the fact that they fucked up my act and ap scores so I couldn't really sign up for the classes I'm supposed to take. ugh. but yeah the people were cool and the campus isn't as bad as it looks, it could use some flowers haha. Even though I still plan on transferring after like sophomore year I'm just excited about college in general. I hope to God I only have to commute for one week or not at all and that I get taken off the waitlist and into an actual dorm, it'd be so much better. that or I'll have to rent an apartment. I'm sooo excited because today I was looking at classes to drop and add and somehow a Spanish 110/103 class opened up i CAN take ESPANOL! i was so excited. so far the only classes i have for definite now is my psych and spanish class. i'm gonna add either english or math to that, most likely english. and some religious studies or genders class to fill up more credits.

(+)Well now I'm back home until Wednesday-Saturday..that's when I leave to Milwaukke for a 2 day stay with alessa and kristin to see DASHBOARD! and saturday is hot import night, ohhh boy. i'm excited and nervous for that one lol.

(-)I just don't know who to trust or who is truly loyal anymore. I feel like I've been crushed and disappointed yet I keep trying. I just want it to be the same again but I don't know what's changed. I think both of us are just going through tough times but still.

(+) shopping for laptops and dorm stuff like blankies tomorrow, yay hehe

(+) being with paul
(-) paul going away for college

new found love

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 07:45:46 GMT

there's no more trying to make it right//there's no more trying tonight

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 07:32:46 GMT

Call it an overreaction.
Call me a hypocrite [mostly for posting this up on an web-based journal] but since i'm so lost why not turn here.
Call me everything but a waste of a friend.

There's very few things I value in myself.
One of the rare things I do is my ability to try with every ounce of effort to put my friends in front of me.
I have always tried to be selfless and help my friends.
From the big things to the small things.

Granted all of this is partially my fault/
I work too much.
I have very bad time-management habits/
and very good at being late.

But yes, it would be nice to get a call to hang out
from someone other than one person
in an entire group of 'friends'.
I don't like feeling like an outsider.
I don't like feeling like I can't truly talk to you guys anymore
because no one's really listening to me.
I don't like feeling left out all the time.
I don't like feeling silence because no one talks while I'm there.
[I don't need to be the center of attention. Hell no.
Just part of the good times of my 'friends'.]
I like hanging out and branching out to other friends
but truth be told, you guys are my first choice.
Just sometimes I can't call or can't hang out
because I don't feel wanted or the plans were made without me
and I'm just a fish getting hooked onto the line.

Maybe I am a bit melodramatic
but this summer means a lot to me.
And yes, I am glad to be there for my friends.
I try to be .selfless.
and put the problems of the ones I love
before mine.
And yes, I try to hide my problems
maybe give a hint or two about
what's really wrong but I don't like talking about my problems
and I'm not asking for anyone to hold my hand
and hang on every word of my problems.
Just knwo that this summer means a lot to me.
(a) I'm an only child about to go to college. Only child. That's enough stress there.
(b) I don't know where I'll be come late august and more than that, I know for a FACT things
are going to change no matter where I am so yes, this summer means a lot to me.
(c) my phn is worse more than ever and i need to do stuff to make me happy to make the pain stop
(d)...there's more..but like i said, i dont' like spilling my guts let alone to an online journal

I don't speak about my emotions or problems for fear of being hurt
but I am hurt I am hurt
I let my emotions unravel on their own
this feeling of loneliness
and unappreciation.

Is it me that doesn't appreciate
Is it me that's wrong
All I know right now is lonely.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[some things just end too quickly, its a story of cherishing what you have]

If tears could build a stairway
And memories a lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again

R.I.P. Louie Limberopolous 10.13.87 - 07.04.01

summer love

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 16:30:47 GMT

SUMMER SKIN

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 18:52:13 GMT

summer to do list:

~~-311 concert tickets~~
-improv comedy club night
-girl's night out
-lots of 6 flags
-date night with people
-baseball game in chicago, cubs or sox, don't matter
~~-taste of chicago~~
~~-bbq~~
-bonfires
~~-carnival~~
~~-partyyyy~~
-figure out all my uic and college shit
~~-poker poker poker~~
-"movie at a park" in chicago
-beach!
-host a party
-new york
-road tripsss
-bowling
-dashboard concert!
~~-golf or minigolf~~

...THE LIST IS A CONTINUING LIST...

guess what?

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 18:36:08 GMT

YUP! summer before college and i'm back lj-ing it up!

forget all the old entries, i don't want to delete them but i also don't know how to get them off the page, sorry!

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 07:22:56 GMT

</font>

i don't know what i was doing in that picture, i probably hit my head and didnt know the flash went?

i tried taking a picture of my new highlights..instead i look like a ghost haha

me

me again sorry for the inconvenience

this pic was supposed to be my artsy pic of the night..instead no can tell what i was going for o well, i knew what it symbolizes lol

look close at the pic and look at perion's face..oh he's a dollface haha

mobster666: u look halerious[in that pic]//Smalls143: i look like a filipino monkey thats constapated

kayla flung ice cream all over his hair and he was sticky after that..poor kid, i still <3 him

the [rear] end

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 17:31:32 GMT

Come up with three questions for me, it can be as explicit and as private as you want, and I will answer them for you <3

thinking chair

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 03:03:34 GMT

Today was alright. I'm doing alright actually :)

School wasn't bad. I actually did all my homework and finished it so that was a plus. I've decided to keep myself busy at all times so doing homework was good! Jon came over for a bit, we played cards. Now it's time to take a shower and think and fall asleep!

so bored

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 17:40:05 GMT

[ Describe Your ]

x. [ Wallet ] um it's a fossil denim one but sometimes it gets too big and thats when i use my coach wristlet as a wallet haha

x. [ Hair Brush ] i've got a blue and a black one

x. [ Toothbrush ] blue i think

x. [ Jewelry Worn Daily ] my fossil watch, earrings, my butterfly necklace usually, 2 rings, and my heart bracelet

x. [ Blanket ] a rubber ducky one from mikala and a white one from lissa

x. [ Sunglasses ] dumb black ones, i need new ones dont ya think

x. [ Underwear ] lilac lace boyshorts

x. [ Shoes] my adio ones, they are so amazing

x. [ Favorite Shirt ] um i have lots: my fa one, my dkny black and red cowboy shirt, my yellow layer shirt from hollister its just comfy i guess

x. [ Favorite Pants] ae ones

x. [ CD in Stereo Right Now] dashboard confessional

x. [ Tattoos ] if i get one, its probably going to be a butterfly or something

x. [ Piercings ] right now all i have are my ears and my cartilage...next year prolly belly button

x. [ What Are You Wearing Now ] a zero shirt

x. [ Hair ] who knows wut the color is right now..i guess black w/some highlights lol

[ When Was The Last Time You … ]

x. [Smiled ] today when i woke up

x. [ Laughed ] last night at family guy

x. [ Cried ] last night

x. [ Danced ] theaterfest probably

x. [ Were Sarcastic ] today,sorry

x. [ Had a Nightmare ] the night before, very weird dream that i still remember

x. [ Last Book You Read ] "fall of the house of usher"

x. [ Last Movie You Saw ] cursed <--dumb

x. [ Last Thing You Had To Drink ] water

x. [ Last Thing You Had To Eat ] chicken

[ Body ]

x. [ What Do You Like Most About Your Body ] ummm i dont know really hehe

x. [ And Least ] my lower stomach

x. [ How Many Fillings Do You Have ] none

x. [ Do You Think You Are Good Looking ] i dont know

x. [ Do Other People Often Tell You That You’re Good Looking ] once in a while

x. [ Do You Look Like Any Celebrities ] no haha

[ Fashion ]

x. [ Do You Wear A Watch ] yes

x. [ How Many Coats And Jackets Do You Own ] umm quite a couple but i only wear three

x. [ Favorite Pants Color ] medium wash jeans

x. [ Most Expensive Item Of Clothing ] dresses or my bcbg shirt from my aunt

x. [ Describe Your Style In One Word ] varies from sophisticated to very laid back

[ Friends ]

x. [ Do Your Friends Know You ] most of them do

x. [Are There Traits In You That Are Universally Liked ] um, i try to be selfless

x. [ How Many People Do You Tell Everything To ] probably 5-6

[ Music; Television; Books ]

x. [ Favorite Band Ever ] smashing pumpkins and dashboard confessional

x. [ Type Of Music Listened To A Lot ] emo, country, rap, some r&b

x. [ Type Never Listened To ] polka hahaha

x. [ Favorite Book ] go ask alice, lovely bones, gossip girl

[ General Questions ]

x. [ Sunny or Rainy Day ] sunny

x. [ Do You Consider Yourself Lucky ] not really but i am grateful

x. [ Choose One Word To Describe How You Most Often Feel ] i try to be laidback but lately i dont know what i am

x. [ Do You Own Plaid Clothing ] haha probably somewhere around

x. [ Is There More Than One Zipper On Your Pants ] i have a pair of black pants that have zippers everywhere..hey it was on sale @ marshall field's and it did look trendy ill give it that but now its buried in the back of my closet

x. [ Do You Have Braces ] no but i should

x. [ Does Your Hairstyle Exceed The Height Of Three Inches ] thankfully no

x. [ Would You Classify Your Hair As A Deadly Weapon ] i hope not but i dont like it either

x. [ Do You Have A Favorite Brand Of Hair Dye ] not really but i'd guess herbal is good

x. [ Do You Own A Bandana ] ya a blue one, who doesnt

x. [ Are You Amused By Safety Pins ] not at all?

x. [ Have You Ever Used Duct Tape As A Sewing Substitute ] no

x. [ Do You Like Candles ] yes one in every bathroom

x. [ Do You Believe In Love ] sometimes.

x. [ Do You Believe In Soul Mates ] yes..either as friends for lifetime or as lovers..or even both..i think there's two people meant for each other in some sense

x. [ Do You Believe In Love At First Sight ] i think you have to get to know someone for years before you can say you are 'in love' with them

x. [ What Do You Want Done With Your Body When You Die] donate what i can to science but a regular casket please

x. [ What Are You Gonna Do When You Get Older ] i dont know yet

x. [ How Many Songs Do You Have On Your Computer ] i dont know, not a lot

x. [ What Band Are You Listening To ] last one i listened to was righteous brothers

x. [ Look Out Your Window…Tell Me What You See ] sun

x. [ If You Could Have Any Animal For A Pet ] a cat

x. [ What Is The Longest You Have Ever Stayed Up ] a wholle night once but i definitely need my sleep

[ Habits;Beliefs ]

x. [ Are You Disgruntled ] not most of the time

x. [ Are You An Anarchist ] i respect them but i am definitely not one.

x. [ Do You Smoke Cigarettes ] no.

x. [ Are You A Vegetarian ] no.

x. [ Have You Ever Slept In An Alley Or Park ] no.

x. [ Do You Wash You Hair Less Than Once-A-Week ] i just cant.

x. [ Have You Ever Gone A Week Without A Shower ] i just cant.

[ About me ]

x. [ Age ] 17

x. [ Birthday ] sep. 05th..gonna be 18 :)..damn i feel old

x. [ Sign ] virgo

x. [ Location ] des plaines

x. [Status ] i'm single.

x. [ Crush ] ---

x. [ Natural Hair Color ] black

x. [ Current Hair Color ] black w/weird highlights..booo

x. [Eye Color ] dark dark brown

x. [ Shoe Size ] 5-6

x. [ Parents ] tina and tim

x. [ Siblings ] none

x. [ Live With ] my mom and my stepdad

[ Favorites ]

x. [ Number ] 5,8,143

x. [ Color ] tan,red,black

x. [ Day ] i dont know

x. [ Month ] july

x. [ Song ] lots

x. [ Movie ] tommy boy, anchorman, the notebook

x. [ Food ] noodles! from italian to asian hehe

x. [ Season ] spring

x. [ Class ] history

x. [ Teacher ] gahagan and belden

x. [ Drink ] bottled water, root beer, smoothies, vanilla coke

x. [ Veggie ] i dont know really

x. [ Television Show ] o.c., seinfeld, that 70s show, laguna beach, newlyweds, king of the hill

x. [ Radio ] 96.3,103.5,104.3

x. [ Store ] american eagle,hollister,pacsun,abercrombie

x. [ Word ] i dont have a trademark word i dont think

x. [ Animal ] butterflies,kitties..etc

x. [Flower ] sunflowers and roses

[ This;That ]

x. [ Me;You ] you

x. [ Coke;Pepsi ] coke..vanilla coke

x. [ Night;Day ] day

x. [ CD;Cassette ] cd

x. [ DVD;VHS ] DVD

x. [ Jeans;Khakis ] jeans

x. [ Car;Truck ] car

x. [ Tall;Short ] short for me..tall for boi

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 07:48:46 GMT

i think perion taught me something in the five minutes we just talked. now i have heard everything. :)

omina reniscit amor

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 06:39:27 GMT

Today was a not-so-good day. I was stressed out all day at school because I tried to procrastinate and got really stressed out about it because I had to start and finish the paper and prepare my presentation for the same class. Oh well, at least it's over. Work sucked. I'll leavae it at that. I do not like working three days at a row and I do NOT NOT like being yelled at by drunken people the whole night. I tried to stay positive today though as Pat noticed, calling me Smiles the whole day, ahh what a nice kid. Corin and Perion came over for like two seconds to see Tim's speakers haha. I went to Kayla's for a bit before work and while I was leaving, I heard "You've lost that lovin feeling" on radio for the first time ever, I was kind of excited. After work, I went to see Cursed. Worst movie ever, honestly. Well that's a summary of today I guess. Oh, I also stopped by to see Julie after the movie to talk about her and Will and other things. Times like that make me wish I had a little sister, then I get over it. hehe. Yahhhh I'm gonna go now..waste of an entry..sorry!

hopeless romantics are flawed

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 07:41:46 GMT

My Past Tense:
There was just enough distance between our lips
for them to extend into a gentle kiss.
Being with you at that time and at that memory
felt like heavenly bliss.
Our legs and toes intertwined around another
resembled the way our souls used to be.
Our breathing turned into one,
this was the best slumber for me.
---
Are memories like this one of a kind?
Because you gave her the same look.
Have my eyes been blind?
---
My past tense has led me to this
to think of every event with us
and every touch and kiss
for the future of our tense.

goodbyehello

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 09:09:13 GMT

Today I actually did chores that my mom told me to do and didn't argue back so I was pretty proud of myself =) After that I went to Jon's and he drove us to FA. I got gnarly-as-fuck shoes, ah they are so cute and so comfortable at the same time; I think I'm in love lol not really.It only took me like 7 minutes to pick it out and I don't regret it. Jon and Julie like it so thats a +. Julie got shirts, one that I already have so we're like twins, hehe. When we went back to his house, he laced up my shoes [which I thought was extremely thoughtful to do so especially since I kept complaining and changing my mind] and then I drove to the skatepark. We parked but the dumb lady told us we couldn't park at that plaza so I had to drive all the way to the otherside, boo on that bitch. I watched Jon skate for a bit, fyi: he's damn good I saw Kevin and Johnny there too, kool kool. After I got too cold to handle it, I went home and played Kings in the Corners with my Mommy. I did some of my poster, accomplishment but time flew and I had to go to work so I didn't even get to start my English paper, failure. Work was some LAMESHIT but I felt bad for Alessa so I ended up closing for the night. I stopped by Jon's after work and we were very much entertained by Jackie and Vicki ......RUMPRIDER lol..., they were a big highlight of my night, along with Jon and my shoes duh 0=) For some time, we cuddled in his bed and tried to sleep, a little unsuccessful but fun at the same time. I'll miss that. And now...I'm home. Tomorrow, I have a Wedding to go too with my Mom. well I"m too sleepy to talk about my emotions and thoughts [=(] so maybe I"ll save that for the next entry eh? eh?
xoxo ~*Camille*~

tears behind the smiles

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 06:45:13 GMT

+went to FA with Gary===i really need shoes from there cuz some are on sale hehe

+went to the Basketball game, that was kool

+went to Starbucks with Jeffrey ((played cards lol)), crazy amounts of people there==weird freshmen boys staring at us

...i'm going to talk to you with a smile on my face always and you won't hear a hint of sadness in my voice and i'll make it known that you can count on me when you're having girl problems...just don't ask me about the tears before i go to sleep...

update every 5 after the hour

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 02:55:24 GMT

jon ollied over me tonight and it was an unsuspecting adrenaline rush!..well for that short amount of time at least lol
got my data match sheets today. some note-worthy things are: jenna being my #1 on the best friends list; pauly being my #2 match; justin and perion making my lists..hah
field trip tomorrow, should be better than staying in school all day so hope that goes pretty good cuz i have work after wards so i dont want to feel like my day was a waste
mom's being bitchy and very very commanding tonight, almost Hitler-like; can you say "argh"?

..well I had a spare minute so that was my update..hope you enjoyed it!...please comment <3

*Camille*

will you be my valentine if i'm a world away?

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 23:41:21 GMT

I mostly celebrated Valentine's Day today and I absolutely adore my presents. I'll post pictures of them up later! Today was overall a great day, I didn't want to leave. But you know what? This day brought up a sort of conclusion that I gathered up. It's over, I can't keep holding on to something that's not there. Tonight, it's her night and I'm not going to complain or think about what ifs and whats going on. Nothing I can do so there's no use in trying, mind you this is my mind-set, I will try my hardest though to make it my action as well. Part of me has accepeted the fact that I am willing to wait for this and I don't care what people may say or what may come of it, I've at the very least accepted that part of me feels I should wait for this if necessary. However I need to realize that there is a very big possiblity that this will come to an abrupt end or that their feelings will turn from confusion to a plan about life, a plan that might not include me in it. It might include her or someone else. I have to realize that. I can't let it control my every day actions but the possibility that this is a permanent separation is a reality, especially since we are getting older and what not.

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 06:19:05 GMT

FOR STARTERS...
+ today's date: 2/12
+ time: almost midnight
+ name: Camille
+ age: 17
+ birthday: 09/05/87
+ school: Maine West
+ e-mail: camillion1438@sbcglobal.net

BASIC INFO...
+ eyes: really dark brown
+ hair: black w/gay highlights that i dont like anymore
+ height: im not gonna say cuz ppl are gonna be like omygosh she's so short when i could care less cuz i like being tiny
+ shoe size: 5-6
+ who lives with you: my mom and my stepdad
+ when is your bedtime?: when my mom starts flipping bitching which is always i guess lol

HAVE YOU EVER...
+ flown on a plane: yupp
+ ever been so drunk you blacked out: close when i used to be a dumb girl
+ missed school because it was raining: nope
+ told a guy/girl that you liked them?: argh i hate doing that, i think i've only done it like once or twice
+ put a body part on fire for amusement: negative
+ had a crush on a friend's girlfriend/boyfriend: not that i know of honestly i dont think so cuz that would hurt the girl so much
+ been hurt emotionally: ya a couple of times but who doesnt
+ kept a secret from everyone: ya some family stuff that i've only told a couple of ppl
+ wanted to hook up with a friend: well when i like the guy, i would never just want to hook up w/a guy for the hell of it, thats mean
+ cried during a movie: sure
+ been on stage: yes love the feeling
+ cut your hair: yea a couple of strands when it didnt match the length of the rest of my hair
+ had a crush on a teacher: ya i guess mr. mcneill's cute but i wouldnt do him unlike some ppl would do ms. belden lmao
+ cried over a boy/girl?: yes.
+ lied to someone?: yes and regretted it
+ been in a fist fight?: nope for fun me and ana used to lol
+ been arrested?: no

FAVORITE...
+ shampoo: i dont know really, herbal essences i guess
+ fav colour: dif. types of the color brown, red, black
+ day/night: depends
+ summer/winter: summer definitely
+ lace or satin: lace, i love lace. i think its the sexiest thing ever
+ fav movies: tommyboy, anchorman, etc...
+ fav drink: vanilla coke, rootbeer, bottled watter, smoothies
+ person to talk to face to face: umm probably ana and jon
+ person to talk to on the phone: i dont know im soo bad at talking on the phone but i like hearing his voice
+ person to talk to online: depends i guess everyone lol

RIGHT NOW YOU ARE...
+ wearing: pj's
+ eating: nothing but im starving
+ drinking: nothing
+ listening to: sebadoh : willing to wait <3

IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
+ cried: teared a bit but not full out cried
+ worn jeans: yup
+ met someone new online: nope
+ done laundry: no but i bought down the laundy for my mom lol
+ drove a car: yupp
+ talked on the phone: yup

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
+ yourself: i guess, sometimes
+ your friends: definitely,i believe in them more than me
+ santa claus: no
+ tooth fairy: no i never really did
+ destiny/fate: most of the times
+ angels: sometimes
+ ghosts: sometimes
+ UFO's: umm not personally but if its ok for me to believe in a higher spirit ppl should be able to believe in that

FRIENDS & LIFE...
+ do you ever wish you had another name?: yeah i dont like my middle name at alll
+ do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: im not sure i dont think so but i care for someone a lot so im sorry but im not looking -whoa that sounded conceited, im dumb as brick
+ do you like anyone?: very much so
+ which one of your friends acts the most like you?: umm it used to be ana but i dont know ppl change and no one really acts the same anymore..but jon and i have a lot of things in common most of the times
+ which friend have you known the longest?: ana
+ are you close to any family members?: my mom even tho its a love hate thing
+ who do you go to for stuff?: my job or my mom
+ who do you hang around the most?: jon i think
+ worst feeling: :-x

RANDOM...
+ Keep a diary?: sometimes, i wrote in it yesterday but i havent written in it since the summer b4 yesterday
+ Like to cook?: i really want to learn how but i know some easy stuff
+ Fold your underwear?: no i used 2 but i got 2 lazy
+ Talk in your sleep?: i dont think so
+ Set your watch a few minutes ahead?: no my mom does and i hate it cuz she forgets she does it so she thinks im always late
+ Bite your fingernails?: only when im stressed out
+ Believe in love?: most of the times

LAST...
+ Movie you rented?: god send
+ Movie you bought?: anchorman
+ Movie you watched?: hot girl on tv i think
+ Song you listened to?: right now its korn and ice cube
+ Song that was stuck in your head?: get up kids : mass pike
+ Song you've downloaded?: a whole cd
+ CD you bought: no freaking idea
+ CD you listened to?: 'good stuff' mix cd
+ Person you called?: jon
+ Person that's called you?: jon
+ TV show you've watched?: Ashlee Simpson Show
+ Person you were thinking of?: :-x

DO...
+ You wish you could live somewhere else?: i guess
+ Others find you attractive?: i doubt it
+ You want more piercings?: just my belly button
+ You want more tattoos?: nah, maybe just one wgen im like 20
+ You drink?: not anymore
+ You do drugs?: nope
+ You smoke?: nope
+ You like cleaning?: if i have 2 or cleaning after other ppl if i feel bad bout it
+ You like roller coasters?: sure do
+ You write in cursive or print?: print

NUMBER...
+ Of times I have been in love?: in love its hard 2 say idk bout IN..but loved someone 1
+ Of times I have had my heart broken?: i dont know the number its dumb 2 count
+ Of hearts I have broken?: i dont think i have the ability to break someones heart
+ Of girls I have kissed?: a couple but NOTHING LESBIANISH at ALLLLl
+ Of boys I have kissed?: 4-6?
+ Of people I consider my enemies?: i dunt know really
+ Of CDs that I own?: a lot
+ Of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: none lol
+ Of things in my past that I regret?: a cople of things but i cant do anything bout it, i've just tried 2 not make the same mistakes again

another shipwreck

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 02:59:40 GMT

Today has been a very bad day. This whole week's gone so bad, I don't even know where to go. There's no one to count on anymore. I feel like I'm just losing grip right now. I don't know what's going on with Jon and I. It seems we haven't really talked this whole week and something's going on his mind but he won't tell me. Tonight's just been horrible, we're not even on speaking terms right now and I'm trying hard not to cry but I haven't been able to sleep at all this whole week; it just seems that something's eating him up and it seems "we" are fading. I suck sooo bad. This whole week it seems that I'm not worth it. Gosh, this sucks. I mean my mom's a bitch and I'm sure that pissess him off. I'm always late, I'm not that pretty he could get such prettier people. Ironic thing, he thinks he's not worth it..he's worth every bit. What kind of guy just randomly surprises a girl with roses one night after her work? No matter what happens with my friendship with him, speaking or not, he was worth each minute. I think, because it seems its what he wants, I'm not going to call him for awhile. Unless he calls first but we'll see...</3...

As for what really ruined my night tonight..my mom and Tim. I've beeen feeling pressure from them this whole week. I don't want college anymore. I don't want to be here on a daily basis anymore either tho.--</3--

*worst week ever*

the best

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 07:05:14 GMT

argh

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 23:47:50 GMT

I hate when my mom ruins a good streak of me being happy with people that like to make me happy and as a chain reaction, I'm mad for a long time. It starts with her making me so upset and then I think of everything else and I get upset bout things. Things that I usually would not give a fuck about or know is a joke I get upset bout and it all starts with her. Whatever.

I'm just going to wade it out and hope this upset feeling fades real soon, plus 'it' is ending so I should get in a better mood soon.

but for now, I just had to complain </3.

sweet surprises

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 00:21:04 GMT

pictures!!!!!

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 02:34:43 GMT

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 02:58:44 GMT

okay so i haven't written in a long time but here we go..well i'm happy but not right now..it's probably cuz i'm about to get it or the stress from review week is getting to me and i'm letting it affect every other part of my life. surprisingly, my mom and i are good. i've kinda conformed but w.e i'll be a good girl for awhile i guess till i go up the wall again. ehh nothing else 2 write bout really or i wanna write...im tired...ill post pics or actually have something important to talk about <3

leave comments if you would like :)

happy birthday you two

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 08:51:50 GMT